So, how’s mommyhood?

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked this question in the past 20 days, I’d be a thousandaire. I’m not sure how to answer the question but usually I say something like:

“Great. It’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. Challenging, but amazing.”

That’s probably the most PC answer I could come up with.

In all honesty, I really want to say something like:

“Overwhelming. Emotional. Scary. Utterly exhausting. Uncertain. Nothing I imagined.”

That’s the most accurate answer I could come up with.

Day one in the hospital.

I’m a mother. A caretaker. Someone on this planet relies on me for comfort, food, a shoulder to cry on, and everything else she needs.  It is indeed the scariest endeavor I have ever embarked on. I do not have a textbook baby and I’m fine with that. She loves her Mommy  and her Mommy’s boobs. She makes me laugh, sigh, smile, yawn, and cry; sometimes all at once.

Day two.

During the past 20 days, my emotions have run the gamut from elation to exasperation and I wouldn’t change that for the world. The first night I brought her home, I was overcome with a sense of failure, like I was not ready to be a mom. She could sense my uneasiness and reacted accordingly. Though this is another blog for another day, just know that we passed the test. I had to rely completely on my instincts and I did what was best for my family.

Breastmilk wasted.

On the plus side, I have never felt such joy. When I get it right, comfort her or ease her cries just in time, I feel like I’ve won the lottery.  Seeing her eyes open wide in my direction makes the sleepless nights, the sore boobs, the showerless days all worth it.  I had to change my thinking and realize that she’s her own person. She is unlike any of the babies I have volunteered to watch temporarily. She is all mine and I thank God for her every single moment.  In the words of my husband, “I love her just because she is.”

Hey, do you know what you’re doing?

As I type these words, she’s by my side. I’m watching her chest rise and fall, listening for her breaths and coos, and I am examining her features; wondering what I did right to deserve such a blessing. Her existence makes me aware of God’s presence. He never sleeps and always watches over us. I get it now. 20 days down, a lifetime to go.

My sleepyhead baby.

Thanks for reading.

Until next time live well and be blessed.

Chanell Nicole♥